Ok, so i've been up to literally nothing lately,
boring boring boring.
Aside from finishing the entire Twilight Saga, including the
online only Midnight Sun, i've started on my book.
Ok, when i say started, i mean i'm writing one.
I still vaguely remember the manuscript i had a few years ago,
finished like 50 pages and kinda lost it.
Sigh...they say shattered dreams.
I'd say my muse bailed on me.
Dang it, what the heck am i muttering here.
So, ok, i've been working on it on and off,
and might pitch it to my professors and some editors,
but i guess chances of it getting publish is...well,
one could only hope.
Besides reading thrashy teen novels,
and writing my book (on and off),
facebook, fridae, gmail and that oh so addictive guilty pleasure
Gossip Girl make up most of my 12 hours here in my
parents' BORING office.
Man, can't wait to get back to school.
Weird, never thought i'd missed school,
throw me back a few years and i will think i lost my mind.
Hmm..
That's about it i guess.
You know you love me,
XOXO
Gossip...Guy(?)
[I'm being vain, naive and delusional here, probably i'm the only person to read this piece of crap.]
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
XOXO
標籤: My Horrible Life
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Upset
I feel lighter all over after languishing some burden i've been carrying while at the same time loathing for the past semester.
Despite that,
i still feel hollow and empty,
and slightly on the fence of being very upset...over nothing.
Jeez...
I'll post about them when i have the time to do so.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Hollow
I don't know what's gotten into me today,
i just felt like a piece of crap throughout the day.
After chatting with June just now,
i kinda felt better,
but i still couldn't shake away the hollow, empty feeling
that's been haunting me all day...
Sigh...
So many obligations,
yet,
i felt lost,
without any sense of direction...
P/S: i want one of the Albert Einstein bobble head which i saw in the Nights At The Museum 2: Smithsonian Night trailer. They gave me a chuckle or two.
Any moment everything can change
Feel the wind on your shoulder
For a minute all the world can wait
Let go of your yesterday
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing and take control?
[CHORUS]
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try
Cause it's your time
Time to fly
All your worries, leave them somewhere else
Find a dream you can follow
Reach for something when there's nothing left
And the world's feeling hallow
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing and take control?
[CHORUS]
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try
'Cause it's your time
Time to fly
And when you're down and feel alone,
Just want to run away
Trust yourself and don't give up
You know you better than anyone else
Any moment everything can change
Feel the wind on your shoulder
For a minute all the world can wait
Let go of yesterday
[CHORUS]
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try
Fly
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try
'cause it's your time
time to fly
Any moment, everything can change
標籤: My Horrible Life
Monday, May 18, 2009
Hellish Summer Heat
fiery as hell;
i smell,
i sweat,
but i ain't losing fat;
moaning sound,
all around,
complaining of the goddamn heat,
with stinky feet,
and sweaty cheek;
i gotta say,
I HATE SUMMER!!!!!
標籤: My Horrible Life
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Duh.
Anyway, despite all those stuff which i bit on but are all too much for me to chew, to say the least (man, and yet my new year resolution was to NOT say yes to EVERY SINGLE request), i guess it's the right time for me to at least make a little update of my life. (Duh, as if anyone cares, at all, and that's the reason why i don't care if the title of this particular post doesn't make sense at all, since NO ONE CARES!)
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For the past few weeks, my daily diet consist of gulping down some stinky, grainy, powdery stuff with protein powder, along with 8 pills per meal every single day. Why? Let's see.
High blood pressure, check~
Urinary tract infection, check~
Bladder infection, check~
unusually fast heart rate, check~
Migraine, check~
CHECK CHECK CHECK!
I felt as if my whole body is slowly melting, falling apart.
No more coffee, no more rubbish food.
But, one thing i noticed about myself is that,
i kinda got bloated. Maybe due to my lack of exercising.
As if anyone cares about how i look or how fit i am.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And speaking about my body. Well, for a start, i have a LOT to complain.
To be honest, i am like the least superficial person who cares more about the physical attributes of a person than their inside. For a fact, i'm totally on the opposite side of the fence. Lately, i just couldn't get over the fact that, me being the average looking Joe who doesn't have the killer pecs or model-esque looks, is completely INVISIBLE to the world.
Walking down the 100m stretch of the dorm's hallway with my friend Viecie, i felt invisible, like totally void of the surrounding. No one acknowledge my existence, but when they sees Viecie, their whole face light up, they smile at him, they chat up with him. Whenever i walk down the hallway alone? I'm lucky if i could even get the dogs sunbathing on the field to look at me at all!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the countless times, i tried real hard to convince myself that people do actually appreciate me as an individual, and gives me the opportunity to do something that they believe i could do well.
Uh, so wrong.
Last week was a prom thingie for the graduating seniors. Prior to the event, no one approach me for any assistance at all. Now i know why. The day of the event, i was asked to be in charge of the DV camera (the easiet, most useless job). I know for a fact that Roy from my class was set to perform, but when i saw him onstage along with a band and looking all polished and everything, i got sour and envious.
Does anyone knows i could sing well and hit the right notes along with exact pronunciation? Does anyone care to even ask? I want to be in a band, i want people to know, that i could also sing. I'm not jealous of them singing on the stage or anything, nor i crave for limelight attention, what irked me was what followed.
I was asked to audition for the role of Prof. Higgins of the play - My Fair Lady. I know perfectly for a fact that, the ONLY reason the'd even want me there was because of my native-like English pronunciation. If i was judge solely on my looks, well, don't count on them to even give me the time of the day.
Am i that ugly? Am i so average, that people actually doens't think i could sing? Are people really that shallow?
What kills me was the fact that Roy, armed with his HORRIBLE pronunciaion, was asked to audition as well! Go figures.
My self exteem just got squash, hard.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I met a dude on some friendship/dating site.
Yes, shamelessly, i admit i use those cheesy websites to get to know people, albeit that i don't use them often, as in the last time i went on to the site, it was 3 years ago. I was having this really nice chat with a guy who sound really nice, so everything went real smoothly, and then, he asked for my picture. That's when things fall apart.
I gave him my blog, and the moment he saw what i look like (i have pictures of me here), he blocked me. Yeah, mark this, less than one minute i gave him my blog, he blocked my account!!!! Fuck! People are shallow. Do i really look all that ugly?
For one thing, this isn't really the first time. First, Hall TYS that sick son of a bitch whom i dumped 4 years ago, Zark the DH dude who sent me all the wrong signals, and dumped me with no apparent reason nor any form of explanation, and of course, Henry/Henri who doen't seem to be that much keen on nudging me ever since i came back from his place. Figures.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what is the upside of being loaded and armed with a brain? Who cares my wallet is a thousand dollar Armani? Who cares that i own Vuitton? Who gives a fuck that i'm actually filthy rich and could easily buy them into liking me? No, for one thing, i make it a point for people to like me for the person i am, not the materail stuff. That's why i wear the smae clothes a few time a week, i use a cheap 990 bucks Nike messenger, and i keep my Gucci and vuitton away, not wanting to be superficial for flaunting them. What do i get in return? Ignorance from people, brushing me off like i'm not worth their time.
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I'm tired. Of them, of everyone around me.
Everyone can go and screw themselves. Especially the person with either one of the 3 names i mentioned above.
Peace out!
標籤: My Horrible Life
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Just What I Need (Sarcasm)
i was not able to cycle at all.
Guess what those skanks said about me?
Well, nothing, but they make faces that says
"You're a piece of crap."
Guess what, just because i wasn't there
"helping" out with their stupid rendition of "Puteri Gunung Ledang"
doesn't mean that i didn't want to go or was in any way acting out.
Well, i'm tired of explaining,
and, i'm glad i went to watch Wolverine at the theater instead of
slaving myself over the critically panned performance.
(yeah, my friends who did go, all said it was crappy food and crappy performances, and they'd much rather get themselves a beer and some snacks at some bar.)
Another thing that irked me is that those skanks won the Sisters School Poster Contest.
Ok, i'm a fairly...fair person,
if the work is any good, i bow,
but the thing is,
theirs was like shit smudging a piece of paper.
I'm not saying mine was the best,
but i got no credit for spending time translating Spanish bits by bits into Chinese
just for my Universidad Central de Venezuela poster. I mean, even the one for CY-Fair College was waaaaaayy better.
And they said the prize money is for some charity expedition to Sabah.
Well, if they were anyone else, i'd believe it,
but since its the bunch of Skanks, that's like their way of saying "showing off" expedition of "pretend to be nice so people will notice them" expedition.
God, just what i need.
A bunch of SKANKS!!!!
標籤: My Horrible Life
Monday, April 27, 2009
!2%@%$$^!@$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I purposely type it that way.
I went to the ULTRA BORING novel reading class today,
and was met with another round of slammin by the fucking blind professor.
Does he really have to lambaste me with my name laid out in front of the entire fucking world?
Don't i deserve any credit for helping him, guiding him etc at all??
Sure, i didn't do well in this mid term,
which, admittedly, my fault, due to my poor time management and lack of sleep,
but does he have to go all out in slamming my dignity, stamper it, and killing
whatever flicker of faith in me altogether?
And worst, comparing me to some beggars?
Part of me simply snapped.
My health is waning and dwindling from bad to worst
(my blood pressure soared to a new height, my bladder and uterus was infected, my prostate got infected as well, and my gum wouldn't stop bleeding).
My brain simply shut down,
i just want to hang myself;
i'm sick of the fucking retarded world,
they look up on you and praises you when you're at your glory and you have all the benefits for them to leech off at,
but they simply ignore you, sneer at you, look down on you when you made some bad move and fail.
Laugh all you want ya'll fucking idiotic morons!
I simply couldn't and wouldn't care less any way.
And come to think of it,
what is the point of writing this piece of shit?
No one reads it anyway,
since people are more interested in reading some retarded gossip about hook ups and break ups in this idiotic university on BBS or whatever crap program that is.
Friends?
They care?
Really?
I wonder.

I'm in desperate need to shatter something, preferably made of glass or whatever materials that i could feel the echoes of vibration emit by the shattering of the thing into pieces of smithereens.
All of them can go and eat their own turd.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Drunk
me ripping my mid term linguistic paper apart was truly the..."highlight"
of the week.
Anyhow, not only i've been burning myself on both ends,
i am slowly killing myself.
I need a break,
a long, hard break.
Guess what?
I did just that last friday.
Slobbering down shots after shots of margarita and martini,
and mark this, i ain't really good with alcohol,
so imagine me downing so much of those.
Argh...hangover's still hurting me after more than 48 hours.
I need some sleep...i wish i wouldn't have to wake up..
標籤: My Horrible Life
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
幹! (Translation: FUCK!)
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Ya'll could go and screw your heads into your ass. FUCK YA'LL!!! FUCK!!! And H__ry, you're an ass, i felt like i'm being use, cheated off my feelings; therefore, you, could also go and screw your head into your own ass!!! Everyone, Peace from yours truly..................NOT!
標籤: My Horrible Life
Monday, April 20, 2009
Don't..
I gave you my all, i don't expect you to accept me, as a whole.
Don't let me go.
Thanks for the memories.
The Fray - Don't Let Me Go
標籤: My Horrible Life
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Goodbye March
Flipping back my journal, i realized both (short term) relationships i had happened on March and ended on March. Coincidence? Let's just say God loves to mess with my life.
I deleted HIS photos completely from my computer for HIM;
for in my vain "definitely, maybe"thinking,
i thought i did the right thing.
I thought something great might blossom.
I thought...i thought...
The right thing...
How dumb i was for thinking that.
What'd i do that drove HIM away?
I don't know.
I'm tired of dropping hints to pry answers from HIM.
I ain't sure why,
sleeping so early these few days,
because it's not my kinda lifestyle to sleep before 2a.m.
Yet, i woke up everyday with a huge sense of wanting to puke.
Staring at my books,
piles and piles of them;
i'm not sure when did i lost affection to the one thing that help me through my life,
providing me the comfort of escaping to a place where people can't hurt me.
But i guess i've changed,
in a way i even hated who i am now.
Is it my not so good looks that drive people away?
Bah, the idioms people kept blabbering
"Don't judge a book by its cover" is so...ironic?
People i met are all judgmental and superficial.
Why'd i cover myself with a cap all the time?
People made me this way.
Belittled me like i'm some sort of crap.
I'm gonna stop now.
I guess, no matter what i say,
that son of a bitch would never ever give me the explanation for a closure that i so desperately seek.
Goodbye, March.
For 5 years in a row,
you're the most beautiful month in a year,
but at the same time,
you're the month where hell is on earth.
Ironically, March is a month when spring, summer and winter all roll as one.
There are days when the air is so warm i'd feel cheerful enough to get a walk outside,
and there are days when the air is so cold,
i just wanna crawl into my bed and sulk my life miserable away.
Goodbye.
Au Revoir!
Auf Wiedesehen.
Ciao!
標籤: My Horrible Life
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
A&F
I'm sorry if this sounded crude and offended you in any way (I don't really care anyway), but i just wanna give a heartfelt wish to ya'll,
Especially goes out to those who made me looked like a fool and kick me out of their fucking life for no apparent reasons whatsoever.
April Fool?
April Fuck sounds better.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Monday, March 30, 2009
Right to Sulk
To me, ya'll have no right to complain.
So what you were rejected?
Been there, done that.
So what you got dumped?
Been there, done that.
So what you have a deep craving for cigarettes?
Been there, done that. (Although in my case, it's prozac that i craved)
So what you felt miserable?
Been there, done that.
So what something/someone pisses you off?
Been there, done that.
What's worst, people manipulate me, toy with my feelings, hurt me, pushes me away without even a word of explanation...the list goes on and on.
What's worst, i can't even name more than 2-3 person that i can truly count as real friends. Sure, they claim they are my friends, but i'm only their friend when they needed me for help.
So suck the fucking up, you moron, so what he doesn't love you back? Ha! How does that feels now? Being hurt by the person you fell deeply for.
You are in no position to sulk or whatever, because ya'll should just suck it up and pretend nothing's wrong, just like i do, everytime some loser like you pop into my life, fool me, toy with my feelings, and leave.
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
One last question,
have you ever consider the fact that i've nowhere to turn to except licking my own wounds after you left me in a miserable state?
Wisdom of Avril Lavigne: So Much For My Happy Ending (My Happy Ending)
Wisdom of Nicole Scherzinger: Happily Never After
Wisdom of Lesley Roy: Crushed
標籤: My Horrible Life
Blah
1. Mom, being the picky shopaholic she is, added a new Vuitton to her already massive Vuitton collection, the new Monogram Kalahari, and yet she still have the nerves to complain about the budget for renovating our new home in Juru Heights. (Who ask her to hire some guy who happens to be one of the most sought after interior designer in northern M'sia?)
2. Ah, now that i think of it, i haven't yet got the time to blabber about the foreign students get together thing organized by the oversea compatriots affairs commision last Saturday. I was (kinda, sorta, not really, no...) looking forward to it, since it's free lunch and field trip for me! Or so i thought. Yay...or not. Anyway, first thing (yes, i use "thing", instead of "person") i saw when i reach the central school area are a bunch of hyenas/hippos/cows yaking away. I know, i could have use skank to describe them, but i choose not to. Skank is such an elegant word, so i wouldn't want to tarnish its reputation.
So, i thought to myself, yeah, i can deal with them being around, although they were really getting on my nerves, but i stay put, up untill when they started to perform they circus act. I ain't gonna elaborate on it, but, let's just say if i had a matchet or gun at sight, i'd kill myself to end the misery of enduring the pain of being toture by those hos.
3. Speaking about hos, i took part in the vocab contest last friday, and, much to my dismay, beyotches was running amok in the lecture hall where the contest was held. God, they're like...some kinda germs or something, they're everywhere. Being the nasty person i am, i pronounce the B word after on of the queen Beyotch walked in to the hall. Ha!
4. By the way, i kept forgetting to blog a bit about the Sexual Orientation seminar/talk thingie i attend last Tuesday. God, it was great. First time in my life where a what should be taboo subject in M'sia is openly discussed, and much to my surprise, a lot of straight as a pole administation people in the University attended the seminar! I was this close from crying because when being who you are is treated as a form of crime from where you are, it's like a relief from being restrict or something. (I'm choking back tears here. I need kleenex now!)
So, there ya go. A lil' blabber on the events of my life of the past week.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Depress
I don't know what hit me,
but i just need to let this out.
I hate my fucking pathetic life.
There, i said it.
If any of you reading this happens to pity me,
drop me a comment.
Please.
Want me to beg?
標籤: My Horrible Life
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Taipei US/Canadian Higher Education Fair 2009 (II)
Dear Jim, i will definitely be visiting you if i travel to Phoenix.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Friday, March 13, 2009
Evaluation: A Process Which Consist of Butt Kissing to Survive
news regarding the Medical department of TCU failed (again, duh!) in the TMAC evaluation thingie. I'm not really sure how the evaluation process goes, but to me, all these are just some screw up fuckheads trying hard to...well, screw things up.
The department i'm in, the English Literature department, will be facing the evaluation horror in less than a semester, and already, the president of the department already caleed for a conference on how to "improve" our department so to smooch the jury's asses and to pass the damn test.
By now, even morons would have sense the obvious sarcastic tone in the previous paragraph. I mean, does all those measly stuff worth it? It seems this is the trend of Taiwanese learning instituitions; departments and professors just don't have the "self" in them, and would do anything to please the government to survive.
In order not to get kick out of the country, i'm gonna shut my trap now, but mark my words, i could go on and on. But, i'll focus on my departments effort on kissing the evaluation panel's asses.
We have a small, cute (oh what the hell, literally empty) library exclusively to our department. So, in vain effort to boost traffic, Dr. K, our department's president forced every professors of our department to make the students borrow at least 5 books and write an annotation bibliography on the book. Aside from that, students who spend 5 hours in the library will each receive a 1 point boost on their final average score. Unfair right? We'll talk about later.
Back to the bibliography thing. I mean, is it even necessary? Compiling a tomb of our bibliography collection which, to be frank, i don't think many sane students would do so, because they'd simply copy every single word from the back of the cover. So, do we actually learn from the whole thing at all? It'll be just another run off the mill burden piling up on other stuff that are already burning our butt.
On to the 5 hours for 1 point thing, how will it be fair for people who actually work hard but just doesn't have the time to crawl to the library? (Me!!!)
Ugh, i'm sick of the whole evaluation thing. Dr. K has been hounding me for the past few weeks to assist him on the preparation. Setting up an English Corner, a book club, and etcetera. Man, these things progress slowly. Just because you present something you whipped up in less than a month isn't gonna do our department any good. It's like, people would do absolutely anything in vain, no matter how superstitious they are just to please others.
A few stacks of "proof" consist of papers with stamps indicating credit hours students spend in the Library to show how devoted the students are? You have got to be fucking kidding me. And worst, bribe them with average points? Wow. I'm speechless.
Here's a quote on a blog post by JYsim, a friend from the medical department.
It's a question of fire for warmth and burning up the house really, but as students we care only about the quality of education we receive. Being pampered from the very beginning (TCU is not really a university in terms of lectures and teaching methods), class reaction was radical to say the least. Powerpoints flew past our eyes, 3 seconds per slide, while some others chose to skip slides - "you'll learn this soon enough," "this is not really relevant," etc.
The consequence - we flip through books so thick they need cutting in half for better transportation. And some stupid fellas like me, need more than one book to truly understand. The library's collection of textbooks had all gone into hideout, leaving the ancient editions (I got a 2nd edition; the latest print is 4th) behind.
On top of that, we are bound to preparations for the cremation and memorial service of our silent mentor this weekend. Of that we really did our best despite the limited time and immense academic pressure. I am glad to be of assistance to the class in their choir during the service, while the short stage show they put up was simple, touching and memorable.
Sad, really. I think i'm gonna check and see if there are any switching opportunities. Maybe to NTU? Nah, too ambitious...Maybe Dong Hua University? Uh...Probably not...or maybe i'll think about it. Gosh. If the butt kissing fail to work, well, i might as well kiss my degree sayonara.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Thursday, March 12, 2009
What I Like About You
You know the feeling of how if you became a big fan of a certain tv show, and it grows on you so much that it'll make you cry if it ends? Well, never since Charmed that a show left me in such a state where tears stream down on the very last episode.
What I Like About You tells the story of Valerie "Val" Tyler and her younger sister, Holly Tyler. Val Tyler (Jennie Garth) is an uptight taskmaster who is very organized and somewhat neurotic. Holly (Amanda Bynes) is a rambunctious and narcissistic teenager who doesn't want to move to Japan where her father has a new job, arranging instead to move into her older sister Val's apartment in New York City. The show featured two strong sisters who love each other. They have equally loyal friends (Val's Lauren and Holly's Gary, or in later episodes Tina, for example).
I still remember a few lines that stuck on me. In the second last episode, Now and Zen, Lauren told Val that the reason she's so uptight and afraid of embracing happiness is that she always look for a flaw whenever there's happiness looming by.
That conversation got me thinking, really, i'm constantly uptight. I might never asked for any flaws or whatever to smack on my face, but i just couldn't help look for a way to be miserable about it. Sometimes, when things doesn't go my way, did i ever thought off digging the whole thing deeper to see if the Universe is trying to tell me something?
Like...like, ok. For example. Say you planned your dream wedding on a boat house, but, the bookings are full. It sucks, but suddenly, someone cancelled! Yay! right? But there's a catch to it. The person who cancelled had a Star Wars theme wedding all planned out and it's too late to change the whole thing unless you pay big bucks, so you either have to suck it up or leave it. So, do you suck it up, or you just simply bawl your heads out because you envisioned a "Starry" wedding instead of a "Satr Wars" wedding?
If you were to look deeper, maybe it's the Universe trying to tell you that, "Dude, suck it up, why do you have to go for the dark side everytime when you can just embrace the light?" Sure, cutting your wedding cake with a lightsaber and bridesmaid dressing as androids, and hell, you'll have to dress as the God-awful Princess Leia garb (ugh, that horrible bun hair style is a crime in every single galaxy), but look at the bright side, it's memorable. Right?
So, the past few days weren't that smooth for me, all with the sulking and misfortunes now and then, but i'm still alive, ain;t i? (Ok, it's not like i'm gonna die or anything, i'm just saying.) I still have friends who sing for me every night, (High five, Viecie, remember dude, Single Rawks!!!!) friends who listen to me blabbering on and on how miserable i am and drag me out for supper whenever i feel like shit.
Maybe i ain't as lucky as some people does, but i still have the moments.
Anyway, i'm glad i finished the show. Holly, Val, Gary. Tina, Vince, Lauren; you guys grew on me so much that i kinda felt like a part of your weird circle, no, maybe more than that, like family. I will definitely missed the show.
標籤: My Horrible Life
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Could be the worst day of My Life
I woke up early mornin',
feelin' like a big pile of mess,
headache, nausea, fever and cough hit me all at once.
Man,
and i just found out that i left my entire stationery case in the damn post office...
My precious Knox (well, that's the name i gave to my precious pencil which stood by me for more than a decade, through blood, sweat and tears....) lost along with every other pens and stuff in the case....
Just when i thought things could not be getting any worst,
i hit a car while on my way back from the central campus after finishing class.
Well, i didn't exactly hit the car,
but that moron open his door and i just went right at it because it was way too dark.
I'm fine though,
just a few scratches on my knee.
Argh!
標籤: My Horrible Life



