Sarcastic/My life

Lately, my life is so boring i wished i stayed in Taiwan.
I mean, the moment i reach my "home sweet home",
all that welcomed me was a living room filed with a bunch of mess,
and a room filled with dust bunnies the size of watermelon.

Sigh...after a week of dust and wash and wipe and shine,
and enduring the wrath of dust, which i am highly allergic to,
the house looks sparkling shine, but i wonder how long will this last.
Sigh...

Anyway, i wanna share a great news,
i just received my full result today,
and guess what, the grades i received were really good,
i mean, it's been eons since i last receive any result transcript without a fail in it,
like...since high school, i couldn't remember the last time i ever passed my maths and physics.
Sheesh.

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Right before i came home, the day when i reached Taipei by train (a 4 hours pain-in-the-ass ride), i kinda drift along the underground shopping mall. All the damn luggage the girls brought with them nearly killed my shoulder, so i sat down on one of the bench, idling tapping on my laptop while the girls browse shoes and bras.

It was then i saw a couple walk past by. A male-male couple. One Caucasian and another Chinese, they were content enough to hold each others hand and when they saw me staring, they just smile back warmly. I don't know, the whole scene of the couple holding hands so lovingly made me sob.

There i was, sobbing like a moron on an underground strip mall, while people stared at me like i have 2 heads. The country i came from, good ol' Malaysia probably won't tolerate this kind of "obscenity", since i found out that even the fashion critic page featured on THE STAR every Sunday had all the cleavages of the celebs featured blurred out. Maybe that's the reason why i cried, since it's like i found a newfound hope that there are people, real people in this world who accept me for who i am.

The scene also reminds me of my relationship with Mr. H. Back then, we were like...so loving, but still, although i blame his ego and being a chauvinist pig are the main reasons i hate him, i realized that ultimately, it is me myself that i hated most, or being so annoying and dependent.
If i could only turn back time, i would, just to say i'm sorry, but i guess it's really too late for that now. What's done is done. I don't know, maybe i'll live my old age with a bunch of dogs (as women-cats), or maybe another guy next to me.

I know it's still too early to talk about relationship and "love" at the age of 18 (less than 2 weeks into 19). But still, i don't know. All the failed relationship i come to heard of from my blogger buddies, my friends made me felt as if my future is kinda bleak. I know what i want in my life, like being a lecturer/dabbling in the media world or whatever, but if there's one thing that i can never control, is that a relationship.

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One friend of mine, S, discussed about certain stuff in his blog that sent me a jolt.
I know i passed my results with flying colors, but doing what i do now is the right thing?
All my life, i made all sorts of mistakes. I gave up on some opportunities that comes once in a lifetime, i made bad choices, i gave up precious stuff that matters, i know they said eveything happen for a reason, but what is the reason?

"What is the purpose of life? This is a question constantly popping up under these circumstances. It's something like you throw a stone forwards, race towards it, pick it up, and throw it forwards again. That action drives you forward, but what are you running into? A better life? Or something you only dared to dream since childhood?" by JySim.

After months of dabbling in this degree, i still wonder if it's the right thing to do. Does my future bright enough, will i be...i'm not saying i wanna be some successful gazillionaire, but at least success in my own term, a good person. I've been throwing stones forward all my life, but am i chasing the right stuff? It's not like i'm a medic student, that there are only two purpose in life, a doctor or a lecturer. My future is like, maybe a lecturer, maybe something else, but still, if i ever made wrong choices again, it'll be a mistake that'll last forever in my life.



Well, since it's winter vacation, i'm gonna stop from thinking too much. Off to watch SpongeBob Squarepants now. Ciao! Will keep updating.